The Good Wife’s Guide – MTO Edition

By now we’ve probably all seen this.  It was rumored to have originally been published in 1955 in Housekeeping Monthly Magazine as a guide on how to be a good wife.

If you can’t read the fine print – here are the rules:

  1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
  2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
  3. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
  4. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
  5. During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
  6. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
  7. Be happy to see him.
  8. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
  9. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  10. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
  11. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
  12. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
  13. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
  14. Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  15. A good wife always knows her place.

 And here is my updated MommiesTimeOut (MTO) Top 10 Version:

  1. Have dinner ready: Make sure you shoot him an email with explicit instructions on where to pick up the food you ordered.
  2. Prepare yourself:   Squeeze in a mani/pedi on the way home from work, then tell him traffic was really bad.  There was a horrible accident.
  3. Be a little gay:  Have a few glasses of wine first.
  4. Clear the clutter: Throw everything in the closet, spray some fabreze and call it a day.
  5. Prepare the children:  Make sure they are plugged in to the electronic babysitter, which goes by the nickname ‘Wii’ in our household.
  6. Minimize the noise:  Be sure to have your earbuds in when he gets home.  Just nod and smile when you think he’s talking to you.
  7. Don’t complain: Then, as always, you can remind him that “you’re the martyr that does everything around here and never complains.”
  8. Make him comfortable:  Slip him a Xanex before you unload the trunk from your mall excursion.  This will really show you care.
  9. Listen to him: Repeat step #6.
  10. A smart wife always gets her way.

Got any to add?

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6 Responses to The Good Wife’s Guide – MTO Edition

  1. This is great. MTO #10 is my favorite.

  2. haya says:

    Why don’t blogs have a like button?

  3. Ilyse says:

    An addition to #10 – and does it by getting him to think that it is actually HIS way!

  4. Sibylle Kim says:

    This made my day! My 10th anniversary is coming up, I think I’ll use this Housewife Monthly article as basis for my laudatio to Peter.

  5. Donna says:

    So funny. Laughing out loud and my kids want to know why. Love this updated list. 🙂

  6. Stumbled on your web blog via msn the other day and absolutely adore it. Keep up the truly amazing work.

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