Survival of the Fittest

Since it had been a few years between baby #2 and baby #3,  I recently did a quick audit of available baby products to make sure I’m not missing out on anything critical that could  make my life easier.  What I found was an explosion of some amazing and novel “products”  that I can’t believe I’ve been living without.  Let’s take a close examination of these lifesavers.

Here is a genius invention for showering with your baby.  This is an $80 sling that I discovered which tethers your child to you in the shower, because nothing says clean like showering in a bathing suit with your entire midsection covered in polyester netting.

Here is my personal favorite: The Zaky.  This is designed to “imitate the look and feel of a parent’s hand and forearm,” because we all know babies are used to the warm comfort and protection of their mother’s womb and this special simulation can “help imitate that feeling.” I can’t believe I’ve wasted years trying to console my children myself.  If I only knew there were giant freakish simulated hands available.

Here’s one just in time for Father Day.  Imagine my dismay after learning that I’ve been subjecting my children to years of roughing it by riding bareback?  Here is a clever little Daddy saddle also known as the “daddle.”   At a bargain $55.95 the Daddle is a padded strap on for some quality giddy-up daddy time. This one is sure to be a big hit at the family Fathers Day BBQ leaving people feeling mystified and awkward. (And don’t worry ladies,  my husband doesn’t read my blog, so this won’t spoil the big reveal)

Lastly, it’s amazing that we have EVER urinated in public before without this incredibly intuitive Baby Restroom Hanger.  Complete with its own hooks, this allows us to hang our baby to the inside of restroom doors while we go about our business. Because what child doesn’t want to take a run at Paratrooping while Mommy pees?  It’s really a relief to know that while our government is hard at work investigating recalls,  this one slipped through the cracks.  Just look how comfortable baby is and how safe and secure it looks!

Note: I was not paid to post my opinion of these products. Nor did I receive free products in exchange for these reviews. I came up with these opinions all be myself without any encouragement from marketers.

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11 Responses to Survival of the Fittest

  1. Sherry says:

    This is absolutely hysterical!! You have such a quick wit and really funny sense of humor. The aunties are doubled over in belly laughter! Thank you!

  2. Barb Passo says:

    I must rush out and get these items for my grandchildren.

  3. Jill says:

    I am dying right now. The margaritas might be helping, but nonetheless, this is hilarious.

  4. Donna says:

    Oh my god. I love those hands in a weird way. There have been so many times I have propped blankets or something up against my babies to try and make it seem like u was holding them. Funny product. I still wouldn’t buy it but crazy funny.

  5. Keren says:

    LMAO 😀
    I’m all for innovation, but these items just reek of desperation…

  6. Ilyse says:

    Amazing what people will think up and then try to sell us! I find it really funny that (after actually checking out the site in a kind of weirdly curious way) the hands come in blue and green. Is it supposed to feel like Grover or Kermit holding your child? As for hanging my bay up while I pee…who BUYS these things!!!! I was literally laughing out loud as I read this blog entry. hilarious. Can you make it a regular?

  7. Jordan Shumofsky says:

    This post was not good for a 5 month pregnant woman to read…I just peed my pants I was laughing so hard. My favorite is the baby restroom hanger!

  8. Monica says:

    i’m getting the hands for sonny.

  9. Love it! I’m sitting here laughing out loud in my kitchen! Love the hanging baby!

  10. Pema says:

    that hanging baby in the bathroom. lol no words.

  11. Pingback: The precious generation | Mommies Time Out

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